Poor guy, can't turn his back on his food for a second.

Aren't above fighting for food.

Karmic revenge.

Is gonna protect his food.

Wont share his food with the baby.

Suddenly, I'm not so proud of my microwave meals.

I guess even tortoises' have fetishes.

Getting food into your mouth by lifting it is a thing of the past.

Watch as this bird totally threatens to cap this mofo and steal his food. Okay, maybe just steal his food.

You want to know how good bacon is, to improve other food they wrap it in bacon.

It's adorable the way they make his small doggie brain struggle to acquire the food he needs to live.

Is this really what daytime television looks like now? Should Mom really be watching this while she fixes dinner?

Eventually they moved his food off the top of the slide, but not until they were finished mocking him.

Anything involving a Hot Dog on a Stick costume is a winner.

For everyone who always thought Beef Stroganoff would be the ultimate tool of destruction in war.

Paula had just the right mix of Xanax, Prozac and Jack in her Coke last night.

Daniel Plainview would be the second best Food Network host behind Marc Summers.

Getting BBWs from Craigslist and showing their homemade fetish movies on national television is out of control. WhatWouldOprahDo?

Prison is a lot like school; you hang with your buddies, have recess, and eat crappy food. The upside is the food is better; the downside is the corndogs have no sticks.

Proof that the squirrel the in your backyard will do pretty much anything to steal food from your bird feeder.