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I have no idea what Michael Jordan's been doing since he retired from basketball, but apparently he's been sucking at Twitter. Badly. Almost everyday. This peak inside his brain makes us believe that he might be the most boring super talented person in the world. He's defintely no Shaq, whose tweets routinely make us go lolwhut (lolwhu!?!). Here's a sample of the basketball legend's greatest non-hits:

Clearly, Michael Jordan is your 55-year-old mom with a huge crush on somebody.

This is the only he can say about the New Years? You ate too many shrimp. You're a legend and this is your only comment about NYE. Fantastic. At least we know we had a better NYE than somebody.

TWO HANDS TOGETHER, PEOPLE. LET'S CLAP IT UP. MICHAEL JORDAN DOES WHAT I DO EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT AFTER DRINKING A 24 PACK OF PABST.

Clearly, Gizmodo should hire this guy.

Ok, we have to hand it to MJ. This is a question worth asking. If you're 4-years-old. Or high. He was probably high.
If you'd like periodic updates from LG, you can follow us on Twitter @liquidgen. We promise to be just as boring as MJ and not spam you.
Wonder whose butt would win in a game of tennis: Kate Hudson's or Anna Kournikova's?
We show you a picture of a hotty with her friend whose face is covered. You have to guess if the friend is sexy or ugly!
Hello and welcome to whose boobs, the only on-line game that needs you to build an Ark and fill it with two of every boob.
In theaters 4-4-08. A group of friends whose leisurely Mexican holiday takes a turn for the worse when they, along with a fellow tourist embark on a remote archaeological dig in the jungle, where something evil lives among the ruins.
If you can match these tattoos with which celebrity’s wearing them, well you’re just as useless in life as we are.
Oh really? You stopped taking food stamps? Gawd, this isn't fair! Whose is gonna keep my buns warm now? Huh? HUH!?
Stupid mother nature, always screwing things up. Lets just build the house AROUND the dumb tree and that'll show them whose boss!
In theaters 10-19-07. A profile of Ian Curtis, the enigmatic singer of Joy Division whose personal, professional, and romantic troubles led him to commit suicide at the age of 23.
In theaters 10-12-07. Lars and the Real Girl is a heartfelt comedy starring Academy-Award nominated Ryan Gosling as Lars Lindstrom a loveable introvert whose emotional baggage has kept him from fully embracing life. He buys a life-size doll online to become his girlfriend.
Picture yourself an awkward loner whose only talent is making balloon animals. Best thing to do: make amazingly intricate bikini out of balloons.
Hello and welcome to whose boobs, the only on-line game that contracted a bad case of boob-orreha down in the ravine.
Samwell is a dance music "artist" whose sexual preferences tend to lean towards being very, very, very gay. Real gay.
Hello and welcome to whose boobs the only on-line game to hi-jack the top five stories of the Boob-itomi towers.
Ice Cube's wife Coco has a body that defies all logic. Behold, her white girl badonkadonk!!
Hello and welcome to whose boobs, the only on-line game that will let you kill a person in return for boobs.